Everyone has their limits. Some are tolerant until they aren’t anymore, or have patience for things until they lose it, and others are social until they can’t be.
“You’re too shy.” “Come out of your cave.” “Why don’t you like to have fun?” “What’s wrong with you?”
No joke, some people think it’s wrong to not be interested in going out to a college party, or a sports game. Some people believe that just because you are different from them, that something is wrong. That’s a very general observation from me, let me be specific.
I’ve been around people who think it’s wrong for me to seek solitude for no other reason than preferring it over ‘hanging out’. I’ll give them one thing, though, those people tried to change me. Trying to change me was miserable for me, and I tried myself, wanting to go out with them to experience life. I would always end up thinking to myself that I would rather be home than wherever I was.
That feeling isn’t me not liking people, or anything. I love people. That’s why I’ve spent so long studying psychology! I love hanging out with people. But some people aren’t able to grasp the concept of introversion.
I have my limits, and I spent too many years catering to what my family and friends have told me is socially acceptable. When my friends tried dragging me to things, I would eventually learn to decline their offers. They even tried to bribe me with things they knew I liked; food. When I replied with ‘no’ for so many months, they stopped inviting altogether. As odd as it sounds, I felt better when they were pestering me about it.
You see, they stopped asking, because they knew I would say no. I know I would say no, and they knew it. But the simple act of offering warmed my heart. Even if they always asked me to join them in something they didn’t want me to come to. I don’t doubt they had done it at least a couple of times. ‘Hannah, we’re going to a party with lots of people and stuff, wanna come?’ ‘no, but you guys have fun!’ ‘you too’. They stopped arguing with me, and eventually the questions stopped.
This was in college, where I had some of my worst and best years socially. I felt as accepted as I ever had, mostly because I had already left Max’s house and was free to make my own decisions. I just never thought I would choose things like avoiding people and situations.
I am an introvert in a family of introverts. My dad, my cousins, my siblings. But there are comments about my lack of sociability. I have no real life friends. The only people I know in this whole state of Washington are related to me by blood or marriage to that blood. At any other time of my life, I’ve been able to count on one hand who my friends were.
Some people know me, but few know me well, and so when I’ve met a select few people who do more than just understand my need for less social interaction, I made sure to pour my gratitude into those relationships. I don’t need special treatment, I don’t want special treatment. I have limits, and there’s only so much I can take before I shut down in self-preservation. Other people have limits and stop simple gestures. The hard part is finding that balance with people.
Hannah-radical 